Kane is a devotee of Buddhism’s four principles of right speech: Be honest, don’t exaggerate, don’t gossip, and use helpful language.
She expands on those in her new book, (out 4/18), laying out how many common, mindless default communication styles — like talking over people, selective listening, acting like we know better, or playing the victim — can quietly harm nearly every aspect of our lives.
Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment he was a confused 20- and 30-something looking to learn how to live a spiritual life. I wrote to you a while ago about interfaith relationships and you wrote an awesome blog in response. What would Sid say about breaking up when you are still in love?
Each time in this column we look at what it might be like if a fictional Siddhartha was on his spiritual journey today. --JD First off, I'm sorry to hear your relationship ended.
A long-term committed one was all the more an opportunity to go deeper in one’s understanding and cultivation of these qualities.
So then what is non-attachment in a loving, committed relationship?
But Kane hit a crisis point after a close friend and ex-boyfriend died in 2011.
His passing prompted her to start reexamining everything in her life, including how she’d been relating to the people in it.
This year, my husband David and I will mark 27 years of being happily married. And am I completely unselfish in my regard for him? After all, what if he were to come home one day and say, “Sunada, I met a new woman and we love each other very much.” A completely other-regarding response would be, “I’m happy for you! So does that make me a bad, overly-attached Buddhist? First of all, let’s clarify what the Buddha said about sexual relationships.
One of the best ways to see compassion in action is through the example of engaging it in our romantic and sexual relationships.
We can use the lessons we learn in these relationships and apply them to all of our interactions. You likely have touched your tender soft spot, what in Sanskrit is referred to as your , when you opened your heart to someone else and were ultimately disappointed.
And what she realized left her adamant about changing her ways; she remembers being passive-aggressive, judgmental, and constantly comparing her “insides to others’ outsides.” As Kane explains from the D. home she shares with her husband, “Most of my interactions had been me blaming other people for my own insecurities — all the things that weren’t working out in my life had everything to do with everybody else.”So she began throwing herself into spiritual books and classes, with the aim of learning to communicate better — not just with the folks around her, but with herself.
She eventually adopted a “life-changing” meditation practice, and, thanks to what she calls “self-responsible communication,” learned to own everything she felt said, dramatically improving her relationships and her overall happiness.